The "Must-Have" Shot List is a Lie.
Let's talk about your "Never-Have" list instead.
You’ve seen the blogs. The ones with the 127-point “Essential Wedding Photo Checklist.” The one that tells you to remember the shot of “groom tying his bowtie” and “flat lay of invitation suite with rings” like your entire photographic legacy hinges on a piece of stationery.
Here’s the truth they’re selling you: your wedding is a generic, repeatable event. That your love can be captured with a checklist. That the same photos that worked for a stranger in 2018 will define your story.
It’s a trap. And it robs you of what’s real.
Before you pin a single “inspiration” image, I want you to do something radical. I want you to define what your wedding is NOT.
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Why the “Never-Have” List Sets You Free
A “must-have” list is built on obligation. On comparison. On the fear of missing out on a cliché.
A “Never-Have” list is built on intention. On self-awareness. On the courage to choose what feels right, not what looks right.
It clears the psychic clutter. It tells your photographer (and every other vendor) not just what to see, but how to see you. It creates a boundary of authenticity that makes the real, beautiful, messy stuff have room to breathe.
So grab your partner. Get a coffee. And ask: What vibe are we officially vetoing?
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Your Starter Kit for the “Never-Have” List
This isn’t about shaming any style. It’s about defining yours. Circle what makes you both cringe or sigh with relief.
Category 1: The Performance
· The Stiff, Grip-and-Grin Family Lineup. You know the one. Where everyone is arranged by height, looking at the camera like it’s a tax audit. Our Alternative: “Let’s get a real interaction. Have your mom fix your hair. Have your siblings make you laugh. We’ll get one quick ‘look here’ for grandma, then we’ll get the photo where you’re all actually talking.”
· The Over-Choreographed First Dance. Where you’re both counting steps in your head, stressed about the dip. Our Alternative: “Pick a song that means something. Then just hold each other and sway. Cry. Laugh. Whisper. The movement of real emotion is a thousand times more compelling than any routine.”
· The “Look Like You’re Laughing” Prompts. Forced, neck-vein laughter because someone said “pretend I just told the funniest joke!” Our Alternative: “I’ll just be there, waiting for the moment your best friend actually does tell that hilarious story. The real laugh is unmistakable.”
Category 2: The Cliché
· The Ring-on-the-Invitation Flat Lay. Does this photo spark joy? Or does it spark “I spent $500 on paper goods and feel obligated”? Our Alternative: “Show me the heirloom you’re wearing instead. Or the handwritten note you slipped each other that morning. Or the shoes you’re actually excited to wear.”
· The Bridal Party Jump Shot. Need I say more? Our Alternative: “Let’s get a photo of your squad in a huddle, giving you one last pep talk before you walk. The real, tight-knit energy.”
· The “Fake Leaving” Shot. Where you get back into your dress and pretend to run through sparklers at 11 PM when you’re actually exhausted. Our Alternative: “Let’s capture the real leave: the sleepy, blissful, makeup-smudged car ride home, hand-in-hand.”
Category 3: The Vibe-Killer
· The 45-Minute Photo Detour. Where you disappear for a full cocktail hour to hit 12 different scenic backdrops. Our Alternative: “We take 15 golden minutes. Just you two, right after the ceremony, when the joy is fizzy and fresh. The rest is candid, in-the-party documentation.”
· The “Ignore Your Guests” Directive. Being told to “look only at each other” all night, creating a barrier between you and the community that came to celebrate you. Our Alternative: “My goal is to capture your connection with your people—the tears in your aunt’s eyes, the hug from your oldest friend.”
· Anything That Feels Like a Costume. The cowboy hats if you’ve never been on a horse. The fancy teacups if you only drink espresso. The prop that feels borrowed from someone else’s Pinterest. Our Alternative: “The objects that are already part of your story. Your favorite vinyl on the turntable. Your dog’s collar. The blanket you picnic on.”
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The Magic That Happens When You Say “No”
When you define what you don’t want, you silently announce what you do want.
You want the shaky hand on your back during the vows.
You want the look you exchange across the room when your song comes on.
You want the pile of your friends in a laughing heap on the dance floor.
You want the quiet, stunned minute alone in a hallway after it’s all done, just saying “wow.”
These aren’t on any checklist. They can’t be. They are the spontaneous, un-algorithmic flashes of a day lived on your own terms.
My job isn’t to check boxes. It’s to watch for what happens in the spacious, authentic playground you create by knowing your “no’s.”
The “Never-Have” list is your first act of co-creation. It’s you telling your story, not inheriting someone else’s.
So, what’s on your list?
Let’s make a wedding that looks, feels, and sounds like only you. No checklist required.
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Keywords for Your Vibe Check: wedding never-have list, anti-checklist wedding, authentic wedding photos, Gen Z wedding photography, ditching wedding clichés, intentional wedding planning, unique wedding photos, unposed wedding moments, documentary wedding vibe, personal wedding style, ditching must-have shots
